she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
