If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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