I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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