dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
