Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
