Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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