I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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