If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
