Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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