i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
