Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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