i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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