Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
