People in love make me want to vomit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
