Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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