This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
