There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
