all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
