Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
