this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
