Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
