i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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