talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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