We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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