I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
