weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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