i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
