I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
