my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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