aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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