So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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