dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
