He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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