You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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