I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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