I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.