He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.