Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
