Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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