Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"