i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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