Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
