As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Watching her eat just hurts me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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