tell your sister to shave her snatch
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
