well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
