When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
