can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
