This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
