I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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