If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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