woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
