If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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