why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
