Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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