If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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