You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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