he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
