Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
