This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
