and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
