It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
