Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
