Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
