I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
