my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
