ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
