im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
