I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy