I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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