i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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