why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
