Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you win again, gameday.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
