No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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